SATIRE: Second semester of senior year nothing but smooth sailing

By Kristen Nichols, Copy Chief

While the Spring semester of freshman year is often filled with afternoons walking through Grant Park and attending free days at the Shedd Aquarium, those days of no responsibility cannot compare to the exhilaration of spending free time planning the rest of one’s life during the spring semester of senior year.

There is truly nothing more relaxing than ignoring homework from four classes in order to scroll through jobs on LinkedIn, Handshake and Indeed to create lists of “saved” jobs that will require resume and cover letter individualization. “Tracking” 36 jobs on LinkedIn alone may be overwhelming, but there is no need to worry because the most relevant five will expire without notice. It is key to focus on jobs that do not require the degree that cost the tens of thousands of dollars now owed in student loans.

According to a 2018 study done by Burning Glass Technologies and Strada Institute for the Future of Work, over 40 percent of college graduates will land a position that required no college degree anyway.

Applying for jobs raises the valuable question of where to live after graduation. It is exciting to be open to the adventure of moving to any metropolitan area in the U.S., and even more so that it multiplies the amount of jobs to apply to and apartments to view and, of course, tour. The only thing more fun than scheduling apartment tours with landlords or real estate agents who may or may not be murderers is trying to base a decision to sign a year-long lease on internet pictures that may or may not be of that address. Stepping into the unknown and taking risks will surely pay off here.

Moving to another city and starting a new job means saying a lot of goodbyes, perfect opportunities to laugh and make a clean, happy break from the life built while attending Columbia. Leaving a current job will be easy, especially if it has helped form critical personal and professional relationships. As a creative, the energy spent thinking about and bringing to life creative work leaves oodles in reserve for forming an entirely new network, so no problem. Despite finally solidifying a “creative crew,” finding new trusted collaborators and friends upon moving to a new place with no acquaintances will be a breeze.

To put the cherry on top of this blissful time, this semester requires the light-hearted sorting out of a few more personal affairs, like the status of a romantic relationship post-graduation. The options seem to be moving in or moving on, nothing a casual conversation can’t decide. Many students are also planning a Manifest event or project, which in no way pressures them to prove four years of honing their craft. And then there is the minor detail that four more family members will likely want to attend the graduation ceremony than the six-ticket limit will allow. It is best to smile sweetly at dear aunt Sarah and assure her that she will have a ticket; her body taking up another seat in Auditorium Theatre on May 11 is a top-priority issue in the peaceful, pre-graduation wonderland of the final undergraduate spring semester. Now that Columbia is kicking us out into the real world, there truly is nothing else to worry about. It should be smooth sailing from here.

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