One-night stand oatmeal


Grace Wiley

One-night stand oatmeal

By Copy Chief

One-night stands are a beautiful, simple thing and are even better when food is involved. Enter one-night stand oatmeal, your new post-singular-night-of-sexy-time breakfast option. Do away with those mopey walks to McDonald’s for slimy sausage McGriddles and instead sashay your way to the fridge and fill your glowing-post-coital body with something you know you’ll call back the next day: overnight oatmeal.

The greatest thing about one-night stand oatmeal—and one-night stands—is that there are plenty of options for what to do with it, what to put in it and how to enjoy it.

For your first encounter with one-night stand oatmeal, I’d start pretty basic, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get creative. Grab a handsome little Mason jar and pour in the oats. They can be steel-cut or rolled, whatever gets you going.

Next, pour in the almond milk. This is where you can get a little saucy and do what makes you feel good. I use vanilla almond milk, but feel free to use coconut milk, whole milk or even 2 percent. Remember with oatmeal: If you like it lumpy, keep it dry, and if you like it slippery, soak it. Get sweet with your oatmeal like you got with that special someone last night and add 2 teaspoons of brown sugar to your jar. Explore your limits.

Next, stir in a tablespoon of blackberry jam. I like my berries black, but any kind of jam works just as well. If you hate berries, replace that jam with honey or maple syrup, whatever is going to make you lick it all up.

Seal the deal by placing the lid on your jar, shaking it up and sticking it in the fridge.

One-night stands are strictly one night, and that goes for your oatmeal too. When you return home from your evening of getting it in, get your oatmeal out of the fridge. Now you can keep things on ice and eat your oatmeal cold or you can heat things up in the microwave.

As always, one-night stand oatmeal can be customized to fit your every whim and desire, just like last night’s sexcapades, so add a dollop of Greek yogurt to the top of your oatmeal. You deserve it.

Then sprinkle on 1 tablespoon of chia seeds and finish it off with fresh or frozen berries of your choice. Now spoon some post-sexy-time yummy into your tummy!


  • 2/3 cup oats
  • 2/3 cup almond milk
  • 2 teaspoons brown sugar
  • 1 tablespoon blackberry jam
  • 1 tablespoon plain Greek yogurt
  • 1 tablespoon chia seeds
  • Fresh or frozen berries


  1. Pour oats into a Mason jar.
  2. Pour almond milk on top of oats.
  3. Add brown sugar and blackberry jam. Shake.
  4. Refrigerate overnight.
  5. Top with Greek yogurt, chia seeds and
  6. berries.
  7. Enjoy!