Bill Clinton: Pinko commie bleeding-heart liberal

By The Columbia Chronicle

We know it’s a tired topic, but I have to pontificate just a bit. I’ve heard all sides and there are some points that I have not yet heard mentioned.

1) We all know that polls show most Americans think that Mr. Clinton lied under oath. We also know that most Americans don’t want him to be punished. But apparently we don’t understand that criminals are not tried by polls! Since when does a news report on someone robbing a gas station go on to explain that “well, he was really high on crack and you would have done it too. He’s otherwise a really nice guy. Call this number if you think he should be held responsible, and this number if not.” That doesn’t happen because it is absurd and totally against the law. But we’re doing it for Bubba.

2) We heard one congressman go on a tirade during the Starr hearing about how he is only here to serve his people and do what they tell him to do. But congressmen serve multiple roles, and any politician worth his weight in dirty money would not be afraid to go against popular opinion. That’s right! They have a duty to uphold the law, sometimes despite what we think! In history, many important decisions have been made when government (especially the Supreme Court) has gone against the oftentimes ignorant or shortsighted wishes of the public. We entrust them to decide for us because we are too consumed with work and TV. Otherwise, every little issue would go to a popular vote and we wouldn’t need Congress.

3) We seem to remember (and since this is an editorial, “seeming to remember” will have to be good enough) a while back when a couple of high-ranking military people were kicked out for committing adultery. Apparently this is a standard practice. So, we ask this: if Bill Clinton is the Commander in Chief and the military has a policy of discharging officers guilty of committing adultery, then doesn’t it stand to reason that Bill Clinton should be removed from his position?

To tell you the truth, we kind of feel bad for the poor guy. He probably hasn’t done anything that any other president hasn’t done. But he got caught. And if we don’t hold the president accountable to the law in this country, then what do we have?

We know that it’s all a stupid game and that politicians will continue to lie, cheat and steal. The globalization of corruption under the UN has begun and our sovereignty has been erased. The Constitution is repeatedly undermined and the tax system is out of control. It’s all so overwhelming that there isn’t much to do but sit at home watching “Friends” with our fingers crossed, hoping that we will pass on the same America to our children that our parents passed to us.