Head over heels: Thou shall have standards for boots, not boys

By Managing Editor

A modern philosopher by the name of Ke$ha once said, “Boots and boys, they bring me so much joy.” Honestly, I couldn’t have said it any better, especially because it’s fall and not only are boots a must-have, but boys also make the perfect fall accessory if you’re cold or craving attention—I refuse to say “lonely.”

Boys are like boots. They either meet your expectations or you find something better. Just like there are many fish in the sea, there are many boots to choose from in the department store and many boys in the world. 

There are some things in particular one must consider when shopping for boots: material, embellishments, color, brand and comfort. Whether a pair of boots meet your standards or not, it’s either buy them or “to the left” and “on to the next one.” (Did I just make a Beyoncé and Jay Z reference in the same sentence?)

But should your expectations for men be as strict as the standards you have for purchasing boots?

You can’t exactly size up men the way you do boots because while shoes can be perfect, humans cannot. Unlike with men, there are no compromises when it comes to boots. If they don’t cut it, they are out of the picture. Boots don’t come with emotional attachments or charming smiles that reel you back in to reconsider. 

High standards are set for the boots I choose because I’m going to walk in these all winter. My standards for a guy that I am going to devote my time, energy and attention to should be just as strict. 

However, I have come to find out that in the eyes of others, I set my standards far too high. 

I realized this after I was giving my best friend the run-down of a recent date I went on. Although the date was nothing short of satisfactory and the guy checked out to be quite the catch, I quickly started complaining about texts I should be receiving that I wasn’t. This led to unnecessary assumptions, and needless to say, I started to make a big deal about nothing. However, my concerns were valid because, communication is key—even in the format of a text message.

My friend stopped me to say, “I don’t see what the problem is. Your standards are just too unrealistic.”  

Hold up, hold my phone. This is coming from the same girl who has to have gold hardware, a functional zipper and a certain heel on her completely leather, knee-high Michael Kors boots. I almost picked up my Epic Burger chicken sandwich and threw it in her face. 

My standards for men are too “unrealistic?” I mean, I’m only asking that a man can do push-ups with me on his back just like Reggie Bush did with Kim Kardashian. That’s really not much to ask.

Okay, even if those were the extent of my standards if the guy is buff enough, it is a totally achievable and realistic goal. 

But really, the second you settle for less than what you want is the second those boots become the wrong choice and that man becomes a nuisance instead of the perfect fall accessory.