If you assumed I was going to use my column to attack MTV’s “The Jersey Shore,” perhaps you should stop reading now. The truth is I keep up with the goings-on of those beloved, tatted up guidettes and juiceheads, which will soon become evident. The second season has yet to disappoint in terms of revving up the staged, irrelevant drama I adore oh so much. This past week’s episode, however, had me both confused and annoyed with all the girls on the show.

Watching Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro’s on again, off again relationship implode over and over again can only be accurately compared to witnessing my peers date in junior high, minus the copious amounts of booze and glitter. It’s almost cute how naïve and nonsensical they are.

Oh, and the editing! First, a sullen Sammi is shown crawling into bed alone while everyone else is out. Next, Ronnie is shown sucking face with two “grenades” (this is amazing, by the way) at a nightclub.

In the previous episode, Jenni “JWoww” Farley and Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi decided to leave Sammi an anonymous note, warning her about Ronnie’s infidelity. They want to protect Sammi, they reason, but they also don’t want Ronnie to find out they betrayed his trust by spilling the beans. Keep in mind: before receiving this note, Sammi and Ronnie were back to canoodling even after numerous, tumultuous arguments in early episodes revolving around mild name-calling, questionable levels of commitment and other boring, unimportant relationship issues. The note sends Sammi into panic mode again, though. When she confronts Ronnie and the rest of the gang, we hear crickets. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino claims it wasn’t him or any of the guys rather defiantly, and because we the audience know it wasn’t him, it sounds convincing. Otherwise, nothing he says really sounds too convincing.

Predictably, a catfight—complete with hair-pulling and shoving—erupts at the end of the episode between Sammi and the duo. What I’m left wondering is: Why didn’t JWoww and Snooki just come forward and admit they were only looking out for Sammi? What kind of camaraderie is this? The scene where the duo writes the note is going to air on national television. Also, why is Sammi shown kissing Ronnie at the end, implying the note never really had a chance of breaking the two up and the drama was all for nothing? Who’s really to blame here? Is it Sammi, JWoww, Snooks or me for being able to recall all of the intimate details of “The Jersey Shore?”