SEX ISSUE

Even as traditional gender roles continue to influence relationship dynamics, some members of the queer community defy those stereotypes while others find comfort in them.

“I always consider myself ready for whatever and just ready to protect whether it’s a friend or a loved one,” said Mckayla “Tacco” Mills who graduated from Columbia last year. For her, being the more masculine one in her relationships comes with certain roles that come naturally.

“Just minor things that my dad taught me growing up,” said Mills, who is a lesbian. “If me and my girlfriend are walking up the street, she’s going to be walking on the inside of the street, just in case just for safety precautions, simple things like that. Also opening up doors.”

Although Mills finds herself in situations where she does take on the more stereotypical masculine role she emphasized that at the end of the day every relationship is different. 

“You can be either in a relationship male or female,” she said. “It really doesn’t matter. It’s just all about your personality. I would say how you like to go about things, how you like to be in charge.” 

One 2018 study shows that clearer gender roles can help decrease some uncertainty in relationships. Those who identified as heterosexual that were surveyed found that having a set of roles that are somewhat predetermined gave them a sense of security. 

While some queer relationships fall into behavioral roles that somewhat resemble heterosexual ones, others find that they don’t fit into those categories and that it’s a good thing.

According to Planned Parenthood the term queer is now defined as gender and sexual identities that are not cisgender or heterosexual. It can be used as a way for those who don’t fit into a particular category to define themselves.

“We’re very unmasked around each other. And I think that we both had very different journeys and very different paths of gender and sexuality before we came here,” said senior dance major Joey Martinez, who is a lesbian.  

Martinez and senior social media major Kayla Buer have been in a relationship for a little over a year. For them conventional gender roles don’t play a part in their dynamic. 

Martinez said that when they think of gender roles they think of  “something that has been so pushed in hetero relationships, that it seems to be something that’s been normalized.”

The couple highlighted that they have an overall understanding of one another when it comes to their gender and sexualities. “I just think that being in this relationship is gender affirming,” they said.

According to Buer, gender fluidity within their relationship allows them to explore different things about each other. “There’s less pressure for us to act a certain way because we’re not focused on what society expects of us,” they said.“I feel like they help me understand myself.”

Another study done in Iran in 2020 showed that relationships with more androgynous roles had higher rates of romantic satisfaction. The study found that having higher feminine characteristics within a relationship, which could include more emotional interactions, can overall enhance connections. 

For some, there is a consciousness about when gender roles are coming into play, but it doesn’t mean they need to stay there.

“I bounce back and forth a lot between masculine and feminine in how I dress, how I act, what I like, that kind of thing,” said Cole Briggs, a senior screenwriting major who is bisexual. “So kind of like performing gender. It depends on the environment and my mood.” 

Within Briggs current romantic relationship he said that gender isn’t something he actively plays a huge role. “I think that naturally there’s circumstances in which we may fall into gender dynamics  depending on the situation…Say we’re going out to eat, I’ll be the one to pull out the chair, like pick up the check. I say like subconsciously, because we just kind of had that dynamic,” Briggs said.

Briggs added that one of the benefits to dating someone who is also queer and is non-binary is that there’s freedom to bounce around. “Like I said, we do slip into those moments, but there’s no hard fast rule.” 

“Love who you want to love and enjoy life,” Mills said.