The Chronicle

SATIRE: Blaise Mesa’s lost ‘MTV Cribs’ audition tape

April 1, 2019

Long before his time at The Chronicle, Managing Editor Blaise Mesa attempted to earn his rise to spotlight on "MTV Cribs." While we will never know what could have been, The Chronicle scoured its countless...

SATIRE: Columbia resident gives tour of his new tent

April 1, 2019

Due to a shortage of housing, Columbia now allows students to live in the Graffiti Room in The Dwight, 642 S. Clark St. In order to reduce costs, the residents live in tents.

SATIRE: The real reason the Jonas Brothers are back

SATIRE: The real reason the Jonas Brothers are back

April 1, 2019

Fresh off a plane from India, the Jonas Brothers headed to the studio for the first time in six years following Nick Jonas’ lavish wedding to Actress and Pageant Queen Priyanka Chopra. What has been...

SATIRE: Cutting resources has serious benefits

SATIRE: Cutting resources has serious benefits

April 1, 2019

The college has been cutting resources left and right for years, much to the chagrin of most students at the college. But here at The Chronicle, we see the upside of these ... adjustments. Here is our l...

SATIRE: Celebrities at Columbia be like…

SATIRE: Celebrities at Columbia be like…

April 1, 2019

Cardi B: Carbon Boron The Scientist Cardi B [Boron] is an Art and Materials Conservation major determined to find the cure for cancer. She takes mostly science classes each semester because she...

SATIRE: Comedy writing and performance deemed ‘most popular and promising’ major

SATIRE: Comedy writing and performance deemed ‘most popular and promising’ major

April 1, 2019

Incoming freshmen for Fall 2019 are gravitating toward Columbia’s most successful major: comedy writing and performance. According to a survey on annual income, alumni from the past five ...

SATIRE: Chris Harrison to deliver and receive the final rose

SATIRE: Chris Harrison to deliver and receive the final rose

April 1, 2019

ABC announced the final season of “The Bachelor” will air after Hannah “Beast” Brown’s season of "The Bachelorette" and long-time host, Chris Harrison, will be the final contestant. In 2...

SATIRE: Chronicle Investigation: 33 E. Ida B. Wells couch missing

SATIRE: Chronicle Investigation: 33 E. Ida B. Wells couch missing

April 1, 2019

The couch in the second-floor women's bathroom of the 33 E. Ida B. Wells Drive Building is missing. Yes, it is true: the musty, stained furniture is gone. But two important questions remain: Where is the co...

SATIRE: The Chronicle did not call Ghostbusters

SATIRE: The Chronicle did not call Ghostbusters

April 1, 2019

After years of haunting incidents in The Chronicle office, the staff finally agreed to bring in an exorcist. Staff complained of computers randomly turning off, flickering lights, mysterious keyboard...

SATIRE: Study shows students love commuting

SATIRE: Study shows students love commuting

April 1, 2019

In a recent study done by FuzzBeed, college students in Chicago say they would much rather commute two hours a day to school than live conveniently close to campus. The study was sent to anyone curren...

SATIRE: U.S. Senate empty as senators run for president

SATIRE: U.S. Senate empty as senators run for president

April 1, 2019

Forty-eight Democrats were noticeably absent from the U.S. Senate this week, but rather than hitting Daytona Beach for spring break, they each hit the campaign trail to announce their bid for president. ...

SATIRE: Kim delivers post-break keynote serenade

SATIRE: Kim delivers post-break keynote serenade

April 1, 2019

After a long, relaxing week off, President and CEO Kwang-Wu Kim met with the Student Government Association and the college community to catch up with everyone and compare spring break escapades. Ki...

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