Whether you have been in a relationship with your partner for five years, one year or even six months, the question “Should we move in together?” may arise.
At first, the big step may seem like a great idea, but before you take the plunge, ask yourself these crucial questions to make sure the move is right for you.
Why do I really want to move in with them?
This can be a hard question to ask yourself, but it is important to take the time to evaluate your own emotions and have an honest conversation with yourself.
You may tell your friends, “Oh, I need a roommate anyway—why not split the rent with someone I love?” or “We basically live together anyway,” or “They stay over all the time, half of their things are at my place, it’s not going to be that different.” Yes and no.
Living with someone you’re dating is not a giant sleepover. Despite your preconceptions, everyone needs space.
When a couple shares a home, there is no escape from seeing each other. Sure, you can tell them to stay in the other room—if you have a multiple bedrooms, which I highly recommend—if you get into an argument or have a frustrating day, but simply sitting in a different room isn’t always enough.
While you can always count on some alone time because we all have different schedules, seeing your partner every day can put strain on a relationship.
How will we handle basic “roommate conflicts”?
It’s not always easy to tell your roommate to clean up the dishes or not to leave crusty toothpaste in the sink. But imagine having to tell your significant other that.
It can be hard because you love them and you don’t want to start a “silly” argument, but feeling comfortable in your home is important. Before moving in together, couples should discuss what they expect from each other in terms of cleanliness and how to confront one another when those problems arise. Make sure you’re on the same page.
Even though you are dating, if you move in together you need to divide up the cleaning—and shopping—equally. One partner buying all the groceries and cleaning the bathroom will cause frustration and put more strain on the relationship. Don’t bottle up your frustrations until you want to explode. Communicate.
Am I having any doubts?
Make sure you and your partner have had multiple, honest discussions about this decision and that living together is what you both genuinely want.
If they decide they want to, that’s great. Now you need to ask yourself if you have any doubts. If you do, communicate your reservations. Every couple has issues, some more manageable than others, but do not assume that they will miraculously get better once you move in together.
Even if your relationship does not appear to have any problems, ask yourself if you are ready.
If you need more time, that is not a bad thing. You know what they say, the best things are worth the wait.
SIDE NOTE: If they cut your hair off without your permission, don’t move in with them